Ever been in a meeting where the boss cracks a joke and everyone must laugh, but if you tried the same, you’d get the side-eye? That’s the funny, unspoken ‘privileges’ that come with the corner office. It’s about those little things only the mheshimiwa of the office can get away with.
We’re looking at the hilarious double standards in our Kenyan workplaces, from extended lunch ‘meetings’ to the infamous ‘I’m in traffic’ text. Knowing these can save you from a disciplinary hearing, or at least give you a good laugh over chai.
The Art of the Strategic Disappearance
This isn’t about being lazy; it’s the boss’s masterclass in selective availability. While an employee’s unexplained absence is ‘AWOL’, the boss’s is a ‘strategic offsite’. A common misconception is that this is pure privilege, but often, it’s a calculated move to avoid unnecessary meetings or create an aura of busy importance.
The “I’m Stuck in Traffic” Masterpiece
An employee texting “Niko traffic” risks a query. The boss, however, can send a voice note from their car near the Thika Road Superhighway, lamenting the jam while strategically arriving two hours late for a Monday meeting. The team just nods, accepting it as an unavoidable Nairobi fact of life.
The Extended “Working Lunch”
For staff, lunch is a strict one-hour affair. For the boss, a three-hour ‘working lunch’ at an upmarket spot in Westlands or Karen is a legitimate business expense. The key threshold here is the ability to sign off on the bill. If you can approve the KES 15,000 receipt, then the discussion about quarterly projections was clearly very productive.
How the Office ‘Constitution’ Actually Works
The real mechanics are unwritten but enforced by office culture. It’s less about official policy and more about perceived authority and who controls the budget. This can save you from trying to play a game where the rules are written in invisible ink.
The boss’s privileges are often protected by a few key pillars:
- The Signatory Power: The ultimate office superpower. It transforms personal errands into “bank runs” and holiday planning into “vendor reconnaissance.” If your name is on the company cheque at the bank, your reasons are automatically valid.
- The Flexible Deadline: While your project submission is tracked on a spreadsheet, the boss’s deliverable to the board operates on “strategic timing.” This is often linked to the financial year-end or just after a major audit by the Kenya Revenue Authority.
- The Blame Diffusion Protocol: When a team project fails, the boss can call a “post-mortem.” For an employee, a mistake is a personal performance issue. For the boss, it becomes a “systemic learning opportunity” for the entire department, with no single name attached.
Pitfalls That Will Land You in the HR Office
Mistaking Imitation for Flattery
Seeing your boss stroll in at 10 am and thinking you can do the same is a classic error. Their late arrival is ‘managing their energy’; yours is indiscipline. Stick to your official reporting time unless you have explicit, written permission.
Thinking Their Jokes Are Your Jokes
The boss can crack a light joke about the MD’s new haircut. If you, the junior staff, try the same, it’s seen as disrespectful. Laugh politely at their jokes, but keep your own humour neutral and professional. Never joke upwards.
Believing “We’re a Family” Applies to Leave Days
When the boss says “we’re like family here,” it doesn’t mean you can take impromptu leave for a cousin’s shags wedding without following procedure. Always submit your leave form on the eCitizen portal or your company’s system and get approval. Their last-minute holiday in Diani is “necessary R&R.”
Assuming Their Networking is Your Chilling
Your boss spending an afternoon at a golf club is ‘client relationship management.’ You spending an extra 30 minutes at the tea point is ‘loitering and time-wasting.’ Use your breaks wisely and keep them within the allotted time. Your networking happens within the scope of your assigned duties.
The Kenyan Reality Check: Navigating the Double Standards
In the Kenyan workplace, these unspoken rules are amplified by our specific context. The boss driving a company-sponsored SUV can blame traffic from Mlolongo with full credibility, while a staffer using a matatu from the same route is expected to plan for it. This local flavour is key to your peace of mind.
Consider the end-of-year season. The boss can declare a half-day in December for “strategic planning,” leading to an early dash to upcountry. If you try to leave early for your own shags journey, you’ll likely need a signed note and a solid reason. The cultural expectation to travel home for Christmas is understood, but the formal flexibility is not equally distributed.
A very practical tip: If your boss has a habit of long, informal “catch-up” meetings that eat into your lunch hour, always have a small, legitimate errand ready as an excuse. Needing to “quickly dash to the bank before it closes” or “pick a document from the Huduma Centre before the queue gets long” are socially acceptable, Nairobi-proof exit strategies that are hard to argue with.
The Bottom Line
The most important takeaway is that the office has an unwritten ‘constitution,’ and your boss holds the pen. Recognising these funny double standards isn’t about bitterness; it’s about smart navigation. It saves your energy for the battles you can actually win.
Share this article with your work bestie over a cup of chai and have a good laugh about it—sometimes, that shared is the best stress relief available.
Frequently Asked Questions About Funny ways boss can things employees cant in Kenya
What should I do if my boss expects me to laugh at every joke, but I find it unprofessional?
A polite, light smile is often enough. You don’t have to force a loud laugh. Focus on maintaining a respectful demeanour; your primary role is to be competent, not a comedian.
If the jokes cross a line into harassment, document the incidents discreetly. Kenyan labour law, through the Employment Act, protects you from a hostile work environment.
Can I ever get the same privileges as my boss if I work hard enough?
Some privileges come with the specific authority and responsibility of the role, not just hard work. You might earn trust and flexibility, but the ‘funny’ double standards are often tied to the position itself.
Aim for clear, written agreements on flexibility, like a formal flexi-time policy, rather than expecting unwritten perks. Get any such agreement in an email for record-keeping.
Is it okay to call out my boss’s double standard in a team meeting?
Directly calling it out in public is almost always a bad idea and can be seen as insubordination. It risks damaging your relationship and professional reputation.
A better approach is to privately seek clarification on policies. For example, ask, “For future planning, what’s the official protocol on extended client lunches so I can manage my calendar?”
What if my boss’s ‘strategic disappearance’ causes me to miss a crucial deadline?
Your responsibility is to deliver your work on time. If you need their approval or input, send reminder emails well in advance to create a paper trail.
Clearly state the deadline, for example, “To submit the report to the KRA by Friday, I need your feedback by Wednesday EOD.” This covers you if their absence causes a delay.
Can these workplace double standards be a basis for a formal grievance in Kenya?
Generally, no, unless they violate specific terms in your contract or the Employment Act, like discrimination. A boss having longer lunches isn’t typically a grievable offence.
However, if the behaviour creates a consistently unfair workload or a toxic environment, you can raise it through your company’s HR channels. Keep a simple log of specific instances with dates.
